Family-To Choose or Not to Choose

So, for a while now this has been something that I have pondered, "Do we choose our family or is it Chosen for us?"

According to Dictionary.com a Family is:

1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
3. All the members of a household under one roof.
4. A group of persons sharing common ancestry.

This I find interesting as for the longest time I would have associated the word "family" with the first definition. As we grow and mature our definitions change and I would say that this definition is lacking.

This all came about as yesterday I got together with some of my dad's side of the "family" aunt, uncles, etc. congregating to celebrate my grandmothers 80th birthday. In all honesty to say my relationship with this side is somewhat estranged would be an understatement, but through time things have certainly changed for the better. Although admittedly I am not willing to jump in with both feet but am willing to take part in some functions and introduce my children to this side of my "family".

I began questioning this when two things happened. First my cousin, someone I had spent nearly all my summers with as well as every other weekend with for 10 years, commented that "who is Isabelle?" Happens to be my youngest child and named after my grandmother Isabelle (whom we were celebrating her b-day). I said yes mine, yes named after grandma, etc. She proceeded to make a face as she usually does (not the most pleasant person). When I asked my cousin to participate in some photos she refused, and then when I asked for a picture with her, she stated, and I quote, "You don't even know me why would you want a picture with me?" I simply told her that for history sake (she's a real gem).

So based on my cousins behaviour, it got to me to wondering, do we choose our families?

I realize that in the grand scope of things we certainly do not choose the family we are born into. We don't decide the mother and father we are going to have or the siblings or the cousins, etc. This is simple blood and genetics, thats it. Now the relationships we form with these people are certainly something that we can choose to cultivate.

My brother chose NOT to attend this "family" event for my grandmother stating that he doesn't know them and they don't know him so why? To me this sounds exactly like my cousin, like they are reading from the same page.

I believe we choose our families. We may not have those choices as children but as we grow we tend to choose the people we share our time and lives with, and we decide who we would include in the word "family". I have been utterly blessed with many girlfriends that I consider to be family. We may not be blood related or marriage related, but we ARE family. When one of us is sad we can call and they will be there; when we experience a loss, they are there for us; when we experience a blessing whether a birth, new house, new puppy, or just BECAUSE--they are there. My husband is the same way with an extended family, not made of blood or marriage, but through years of friendship, the ups and the downs, and truly that is what a family is.

Even as we experienced a loss during christmas that same cousin as well as my brother behaved in the same manner--consistently upset or irritated with someone in the family (for my cousin its my father and for some reason me as well, perhaps association). For my brother its the continued--why make the effort reasoning. They would be the "not what a family is" section of the dictionary. I feel pity for them as they seem to spend more time seeing the past than the future.

I see things differently. I believe that we are born into a family, and if possible leave the door open even for those who have lost their way. Family is more than just an ansectral line, or the members of a household. Family is something made, something cultivated through experiences, through time, through sharing. And how wonderful it is that we can choose our family. We pick those who we allow in, we choose those we would share our most important moments, and truly it is a gift. Some may actually be blood relatives, and others may be people we have known for many many years.

So, the definition of family then, probably should be added to the common dictionary something to the effect of "Family is WHO you make it to be".