I love that phrase "Life is like a rollercoaster, enjoy the ride". Recently I have lost a good friend, and now my grandmother is in the hospital ICU. Grandma cannot breath on her own, but her other vitals are pretty good, she is 87 years old with many issues, but this is the biggest right now. Its been a few weeks, she has been ICU, then regular room, now back in the ICU for the past 12 days. Seems like so much longer. But I have heard that phrase in different ways since being at the hospital.
I've heard emotional rollercoaster, ups and downs, this rollercoaster ride, etc. So as I was sitting there, holding my grandmothers hand, watching the different monitors, it occurred to me that the heart rate monitor was exactly that--up and down, rollercoaster. You see the little heart beating, the breaths per minute--hoping things stay calm, within range, good pace--then the sudden spike or drop.
We tend not to see our own life rollercoaster as it is happening but become acutely aware of others lives. Especially while watching the monitors. Knowing how fragile it all is, how you never know when the ride is going to end. I watched the monitors yesterday, realizing how much I don't want her ride to end, how much I want her next step to work, want to hear her voice, want a big hug and to hear about all her medications over and over!
The doctors coming in, saying one thing, speaking of quality of life, making her comfortable, then the next day about recovery. Something I realize so many of us go through--watching other families in ICU, all struggling the same way. All of us with one thing in common--not wanting our loved ones to suffer, but not wanting them to leave us either, each being a little selfish.
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