Still Layering with Effects

The outcome for my grandmother has become painfully clear. Although she is completely aware the majority of the time,she is also affected with low hemoglobin and after a certain point she is glossy eyed, and seems to drift in and out. The doctors have discussed the painful reality-she is not going to recover. She is never come off the trach/vent. Grandma has decided she wants to go home, consistently asking each of us to take her home now! She understand what this means, and also is adamant that she does not want to be in a nursing home. Among her other health problems lies the possibility of internal bleeded, or just that her bone marrow just isn't working properly-leading to anemia and the need for nearly a weekly transfusion. Once she goes home, the reality will be come clearer as the transfusions will no longer be available and hospice is being looked into. Its one thing to see the writing on the wall, quite another when the words are said outloud. I know i speak for everyone in the family when I say none of us are ready for any of this, the losing of a loved one is never an easy thing. Selfishly I want her to stay here, stay in a nursing home, whatever it takes....but I know she is trapped and this is not what she wants. As I contemplate our mortality, another friend is again battling her cancer, it has gone from lung to lung, lung to brain, and now into spine. I take all of this in, wondering why it has to be this way, knowing full well death is a part of living--but no one ever tells you just how hard death is FOR the living!